Do you ever find yourself holding your breath in a subconscious effort to stop time because you believe you have so much to do you can't see a way of getting it all done and you've got no idea where to start?
At some point during the day, I will find myself frozen like a rabbit in the headlights of my to do list. I notice I'm in that place when I realise that I've stopped breathing.
My automatic strategy for creating release is to pick at the cuticles on my thumbs. It makes me feel like I am doing something. "If I can just remove that stray bit of skin, I'll have completed a major task and will be making real progress on my day.Pat yourself on the back. Job well-done."
Really. That's how it feels.
Of course, there's no item on my daily to do list that says anything about completing a manicure with my teeth.
I hate to think how many hours of my life I have spent on this destructive habit. I hate to think how much more I might have achieved if I'd used that time more productively.
Like so many of us living with this kind of habit, whether it's skin picking, nail-biting or hair pulling, I experience a deep sense of shame about both the activity itself and its physical results. It makes me look damaged and feel damaged on many levels.
I've been doing it my whole life. When I hit 30 I tried hypnotherapy which actually did stop me from destroying my fingers; but it didn't work on my thumbs for some reason.
Anyway, I'm really tired of it now. So, I am formally committing to knocking it on the head once and for all. I've found this website on skin-picking which is a great source of information and techniques.
It looks like I've got a shed load of brain rewiring to do. That should tie in very neatly with my training for the Amsterdam marathon in October this year.
If I put the same time into training as I do into picking, I'll be on for a world record time!
Watch this space x